One of my closest buddies opened up to me the plight he was into a month ago. Since the wound is still fresh that time, I just listened to his every word. I opted to wait until tomorrow to give a comment and because I needed time to put down my thoughts on what he shared. Furthermore, I can explain my point better in writing so I sent this “misfit post” to him as a private message on Facebook the following day:
I do not know if you wanted my advice but I will do anyway.
Your father, I believe—at this point—have already realized the ineffable impact of his one, BIG mistake to you and your family. He betrayed your trust, he abominably hurt your mother…he brought shame upon your clan. He deserves every inch of torture he is presently receiving from each of you.
Abhorrence is an expected response to such situation, but do not forget that he is still your father.
You broached to me before how your father worked hard just to provide for the family. You even bravely enthused, back in the days, you repeatedly denied him because of his outmoded sense of fashion—a fraction of his countless, immeasurable sacrifices. He never complained. You never felt those until you were mature enough to see how exemplary those acts are.
Yes, he posolutely deserves the agony that you are casting him but not your forgiveness. Of course, I am not saying you have to do it the soonest possible time because the wound you got begs for some time to heal. (I would be very happy though if you do.) I am not also implying that you will have to condone what happened.
My intention for weaving these things is for you to accept that human frailty exempts no one. You know that better now than before, don’t you?
“Everyone makes mistakes in life, but that doesn’t mean they have to pay for them the rest of their life sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn’t mean they are bad. It means they are human” (Anonymous).
The respect you had for your father was hard earned so that when you learned about his betrayal, you were absolutely shattered. The trust was broken into pieces where every fragment is beyond repair. This predicament may have caused a tinge of discolor on his once immaculate image but put into consideration, not all was tainted. (Forgive me if you do not agree on that statement.)
I remember what Mitch Albom recounted in one of the pages of his book, Tuesdays With Morrie: “If you hold back on the emotions—if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely.”
The gist of which simply means that you have to experience if not savor the grief. You have to go through that stage to achieve acceptance and in due course, forgiveness. Mitch Albom and I accede to that as much as the universe.
You are a good soul and you are my friend. I am fervently hoping that you will not forever hold that grudge against your father who is at worst times now. He is in deep pain in as much as you are and you ought to know, he is in need of a helping hand more than any of you do now that the earth has turned its back on him.
Soon, the unsolicited advice turned out to be a great influence on his decision to be on good terms with his father, one again.
- Lessons from “Tuesdays with Morrie” (carolynmwende.wordpress.com)
- Sportswriter Mitch Albom: “If The Spurs Come Out & Win Tomorrow, It Will Be The Greatest Example Of Mental Toughness” (charlotte.cbslocal.com)
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